Vulnerability & Grief

How Fellowship, Quilting, and Conversations On Pregnancy and Infant Loss Provide Healing and Hope.

Last month I attended a Cooperative Baptist Fellowship retreat held at the “Our Lady of Perpetual Help Retreat Center” in Venice, Florida. The theme for the retreat was community, and our goal was to get to know each other better. We decided that to do so, we would have to be vulnerable and trusting, and the group opened to each other in faith.

One woman courageously shared about the loss of her daughter 43 years ago, on the day after her daughter was born, and how she and her young husband survived this unspeakable grief. This opened the door for another woman to share about a miscarriage that she knew was a common story for many women but was still deeply personal and difficult for her to carry, though she now had two healthy little boys to love and care for.

It was a gift to those of us present to better understand the profound sorrow of these life altering events and the ways in which the support of others, the resolve of the human spirit, the healing power of the divine, and life itself, can sustain us. 

Since 1988, at the urging of couples who have known pregnancy and infant loss, we as a nation have recognized October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and since 2006 we have observed October 15 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In our own community, the Capital Area Healthy Start Coalition, founded in 1992, is planning the annual shared meal and remembrance walk on October 9, the first day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Week, which was first established in Britain as “Baby Loss Week” in 2002, and adopted by our country and others.

Pregnancy loss and infant loss are sadnesses shared by couples around the world, and is honored, in part,  is by “The Global Wave of Light.” Inspired by the movement in the US to remember babies lost, the United Kingdom started the memorial candle-lighting event on October 15, 2002, at the end of Baby Loss week.  

People are encouraged to personally light a candle at 7PM local time and allow it to burn for at least one hour in memory of all the babies world-wide lost in pregnancy, childbirth or infancy. Lit to honor sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, grandchildren and others who died too soon, the continuous wave of light from the memory candles encircles the globe with a loving embrace. You may also find online opportunities to light a virtual candle as part of the “Global Wave of Light.” 

In the Tallahassee area, “Walk to Remember” is an annual event that has been faithfully planned by our area Healthy Start in observance of pregnancy and infant loss for decades. With the aid of many community partners, it is a sensitive and beautiful event.  

“Walk To Remember” is a time for all grieving families, whether their loss was long ago or recent, to come together and be surrounded by love and support from families, friends, and our local community. It is a time to not only reflect on loss, but to embrace love; not only to honor grief, but to embrace hope.  

A free dinner is lovingly served in Saint Paul United Methodist Church’s Sanders Hall October 9th, beginning at 5:30PM.

You can find more information and register, which is not required but is encouraged.

2025 Walk To Remember Registration

Remembrance Quilts are on display in the fellowship hall from previous years and you will have the opportunity to create a square in loving memory of the one or ones you are remembering this year, for inclusion in the 2025 Remembrance Quilt.   

There will be resource tables with helpful information and support from professionals who understand your grief. You can complete an online form if you wish to have your baby or babies mentioned by name during the service that is held after dinner in the sanctuary of the church. If you are unable to complete the form online, you may also complete a form the evening of the fellowship meal and service.  

A free nursery is available if you would like childcare for children during the service, where participants will hear words from someone who has experienced pregnancy or child loss, exquisite music from the FAMU Concert Choir, the speaking of your beloved baby (or babies’) name(s), as desired, and a sensitive reflection on embracing hope.  After the service, we will carry candlelight around Lake Ella, in a “Walk to Remember” to show sacred remembrance of the pregnancies and infants lost, and solidarity with one another.  

It is my prayer that those who have known the heartache of pregnancy or infant loss will be able to attend this meaningful, well-planned event at Saint Paul’s United Methodist Church, 1700 North Meridian Road, on October 9, 2025, from 5:30-8:00 PM.

I also pray that if you know someone who would benefit from this evening to remember, you will share this information with them and perhaps offer to come with them. 

In addition to this important way we can stand with our neighbors, the coming of October presents others. October 2 is International Non-Violence Day, established in 2007 by the UN on the birthdate of Mahatma Gandhi, who inspired civils rights and freedom across the world. He said, "Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man."  On this day we are invited to consider what we can do to squelch hatred in our own hearts and inspire love and compassion.  

October 4 is yet another day that invites us to find our better selves through the inspiration of a great leader. The feast day of Saint Francis of Assisi, held on the day after his death in 1226, recalls his love of nature and his adherence to nonviolence. He embraced Jesus’ teaching that we are to love one another, to love our enemies, and become instruments of peace.  

To form the community that we wanted at the retreat center in Venice, we had to be vulnerable, trusting and open. And it is what I pray we will consider this week in our own community as we invite someone to an important event or consider ways that we can nurture non-violence in a violent world. It is my prayer that we will remember, as FSU’s Coach Norvell passionately implored this week when reflecting on student athlete, Ethan Pritchard’s courageous fight for life, “we are called on this earth to love one another”   

Love and Empathy 

October 2, 2025 

Rev. Candace McKibben